"I want to go somewhere where I can see the milky way instead of dabbling in the nihilism of postmodernity." There is nothing that bores me more than the world thinking so hard about something until its dead. It's just a thought and nothing more. Life is more simple than that, if you ask me. Do something. Movement. Dynamism. Do something.
"I'm also bored by people using our social conditions of the day as an excuse for their inability to relate to others and/or have a relationship that is meaningful." I guess because my parents didn't divorce when I was thirteen I am still holding on to something that has more weight than what is considered love in this surface society I am so lucky to be a part of. It bores me, the new tradition bores me, the current state bores me. I'm going to be single forever as I create my own version of it that absolutely no one else will inhabit because it will be my own. I'll be alone forever. I'd rather be alone than be a part of something cheap.
Today I am taking care of business. Where will I be in the next two years? Hopefully sitting in a small apartment in a real city in autumn with my plants, two siamese and a selection of Hendricks, dark roast and jasmine tea. I will write out mounds of lyrical prose and better poetry than I ever have in my entire life and live among a spread of markers and pencils with a huge wall with a drawing hanging on it, fitting with the simple apartment because I finally got the guts to dump my belongings where they should be: in a thrift store. BREATHE.
I gave up envisioning myself with anyone else, though. I'd rather sew my panties to my skin than get caught up in another dignity stealing fling or relationship. Please, god, stay away from me. I can't detriment myself anymore! Stay the hell away! I'm poison, I'm telling you!
"": selfmockery as repulsion.
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