blushes

What I did wrong is be myself, in whatever form. I was myself and that was wrong, as it usually is to some extent. It's like the sight and smell of me, the true sight and smell, is enough to cause the ranks fear beyond all other possibilities of fear. Or maybe, being so self consumed to believe one's personality is going to bring the downfall of the world is exactly my downfall. I get that now. It's too late, though.

But in all positives, I think that it's time to start looking at greener pastures (poetry, mfa, keeping my art secret, dying my hair). This world is so frail and disposable these days that I wonder why I fight for anything at all. Respect for me? No one has respect anymore. It's a dying concept. I need to accept these mere facts: respect is dead, chivalry was dead a long time ago, politicians are liars and we're all going to die anyway. These are sad facts and concepts, I am aware. I'm sound like a harking gray cloud. BUT there are positives. You move on from that, you expect it and make something new. You GROW. The positives are that I can choose, even still, to be the person I want to be and maybe it will be refreshing to someone, on some rare occasion. I know respect is dead, so why not surprise someone? I mean, you never know, right? Someone is just dying, absolutely dying, to grab my body and mind and not dispose of it into the great garbage heap of their history. But in all life's paradoxes, in the end, I am only another person and that is the most freeing aspect of it all.

I can't expect anything of anybody. The only thing I can expect is not to go absolutely bat shit crazy when something doesn't go my way. Nothing is going my way these days, so why lose my mind in the process? I mean, really. Now where are the strawberries...!?