bits and pieces

I stayed up last night reading the Surrealist manifesto but I don't remember any of it and will be rereading it. I got too caught up on how sexist it was and how sexist André Breton sounded in other contexts. I got so caught up in it that I barely remember what when I had read something else he had said or done that was sexist. My mind is running a million miles a minute.

I find it fascinating that the revolutionary, that still seems revolutionary today, always has its downfalls that turn and make me wonder if that was considered revolutionary I wonder what would actually have been revolutionary at the time. But then again, everything that is always considered revolutionary to my American brain is only scattered with white males to the majority of the extents of my perception of all of it.

So much that is revolutionary is only a piece of what could be hugely revolutionary, beyond all scales. But only small steps, I guess.

Speaking of perception, I have come to the conclusion the past few days that expecting much out of anyone is never a good idea. I have learned my lesson enough times to expect nothing at all. It's really sad that none of us can live in a world where people are honest enough not to cause one another so much strife that it's unimaginable, but that is the kind of world we live in now. I have mentioned this several times on this blog before. Maybe the world has always been this way and I was just naive enough to think that it would be different for me. But it isn't. I think that it's time for a new pair of glasses, metaphorical glasses. The only time in my life I had real glasses they were stolen by a person who didn't like me at the time.

I am learning to accept that people have their games, and even myself. I'm too introverted to be any different. Some are unkind and negatively manipulative and those are the games that I find the most entertaining to me. They are entertaining in a way that I think may be unhealthy, or not normal. I guess I can't help but wish I could have seen through these things earlier in life when I was more naive and got myself into more trouble than anything positive. Things are changing these days on that level, but it has taken too long. In many ways I have become a reflection for them, a mirror image of a person they do not like. In reality, it's just them. Life has been so strange to me in this way.