dream journ

I keep having reoccurring dreams of being in a grocery store. Every single time I try to go grocery shopping my excursion gets interrupted by something happening. The first time it was the Waldo Rapist in my dream, stalking people. The second time all of the food disappeared. And last night I was desperately searching for kiwi and when I finally found the kiwi I noticed that they were all moldy and slimy. I decided to try to find another kind of fruit and kept settling for the fruit I didn't want. I found lots of exotic fruits that looked interesting but it wasn't the kiwi. Oh, the blasted kiwi.

I know what these dreams are referring to, especially the last one. I mean, lets think about kiwi for a second. It's green inside and hairy and I have been craving it like none other lately. Everything about it kills me -- the flavor (though mediocre here), the texture of the seeds, the juiciness of each bite. So when I walk into a store and am heading straight for the kiwi and they are all moldy, I freak out!

But other facts about my perception of kiwi -- it's not actually local. It's from somewhere else, though never from its native land. In fact, I don't even technically know where kiwi originated. When I eat kiwi, I love it, but there is something about it that doesn't feel right. How did this kiwi get here and how am I eating it now? Where has it traveled?

But going beyond the whole kiwi strangeness, it's obvious that these dreams symbolize this feeling that I am not getting what I "need" right now. I have many options, obviously, but something either interrupts me finding what I need or what I need simply isn't there. I always have to choose between other things I don't really want but I feel that I should try because what I really want isn't there. But nothing satisfies me, if I have a chance to be satisfied.

That is pretty much the ultimate metaphor for my entire existence. Something tells me I'm going to be living with those dreams forever!